Driving Woes in Delhi

Driving a car has been one of my less ambitious and more practical childhood dreams (few others being flying the MIGs and SUKHOIs and taking on the Taliban on my own, bombarding the terrorist camps in Pakistan, captaining the Indian Cricket Team to a World Cup win, winning a Grand Master title in Chess, becoming a multi trillionaire.... ok ok.. billionaire and taking jibes at that school time crush of mine for turning me down........ let's come back to the original topic!). It got realised rather smoothly, as last summer I learnt the art and managed to negotiate my way to a permanent Driving License without any fuss, thanks to my father's contacts. A broken number plate, two scratches, 12 months and about 1500 kms later, I can say that I'm about as close to being a perfect driver as a normal person who doesn't harbour dreams of taking up driving as a profession can get. The saying that one is never happy with what he has been proved true for the zillionth time, as I don't want to pursue my "dream" any more, unless I'm being pursued by an elder and more powerful family member(which unfortunately all of them are) to pursue it! Obviously, there are reasons to it and this post is intended to uncover them to my non existent readers.

Negligent pedestrians: This breed can easily be found here, especially on comparatively cramped roads(which are at least 16 feet wide anyway!). The idea of sharing the road with anyone else doesn't amuse them one bit. No matter how loud, continuous and irritating the horn gets, these runts continue the stroll in their backyards. I met one such person about 7 hours ago, while on my way to the Sarojini Nagar market and that is when the idea for this post originated(at least the person did something constructive). My honkings fell on deaf ears, as he and his friend were walking side by side, arms on each others' shoulders, probably celebrating the legality of homosexuality when he was struck by the bonnet of a Santro(deliberately slowed down to 20-30 kmph) right behind his kneecaps and he barely managed to avoid falling on the ground. He tried to give me an "Angry young man" stare but before he could put up a look to back up that stare, I was shouting at him, questioning the existence of his ear-drums, fully aware that we were in "my area" and there would be shopkeepers to help me out if the intended war of words turns leads to something more physical. However, it did not get to that and the fellow stepped aside rather quietly. This was a surprising case because the pedestrian was a male. Normally it is the fairer sex of Delhi for which the words "ancestral property" and "roads" seem synonymous. When you cannot predict whether that speeding car or yourself would win the race while crossing the road, the protocol is to keep your eye on the car and change your plans mid way,if needed and keep crossing. However, the ladies/girls would simply turn their backs on you and start crossing, forcing you to do the entire thinking, i.e. calculating speeds, checking them out, calculating the probability of escaping alive if you dare hit them, etc, etc.

The mindless honkers: This breed is no less irritating than the previous one. The reason being that they think they can achieve something by honking at my car when even they can clearly see that there is absolutely NO WAY OUT of the jam/red light we're stuck in. I recently found a way of dealing with such people. I simply stick out my hand and indicate it to them to overtake me through the non existent space. It is my way of telling them, "Idiot, if you can see any space available, be my guest and take it."

The careless bikers/drivers: The rule of the traffic jungle is that there is more than a fair chance of you getting seriouly injured for no mistake of yours. One sudden lane change by the driver ahead of you is sufficient to bring down curtains on your healthy life and hence, this requires luck and emphasises the need for lane changes.

Hurried idiots causing and worsening jam situations: It will take some explaining.. imagine a 6 lane road, with 3 lanes meant for traversing either direction, separated only by a yellow line after the 3rd lane. Red light is on and cars start stacking up one behind the other in the three lanes. Now there will be one impatient idiot, who will cross the yellow line and take up the first position in the queue, hence blocking the lane meant for traffic coming from the other direction. In a matter of seconds, cars stack up behind this one and then there will be people thinking of occupying even the fifth lane!! This halts up traffic from the other direction and consequently everyone will be honking at everyone, including the person who started the whole thing! This will lead to the conditions mentioned above and there will be total chaos. "Money can't buy you brains" is perfectly examplified here. I do feel like walking up to such drivers and questioning their common sense, but somehow I've resisted till now.

PARKING WOES: The capital letters should be enough to mention its importance. I read some time back that lakhs of new cars hit the roads of New Delhi every year and it is no surprise that despite the efforts of the NDMC and MCD by building multi level parking lots, the problem keeps on sky rocketing. You are required to leave the keys of the car with the workers at parking lots and that does raise a few eyebrows. In fact, it surprises me that how can one trace the car, in the event of the parking lot guy running away with it?? I guess you can hold the concerned authority responsible for it(NDMC) in most of the cases but still, one should be able to do without these troubles.

I really hope The Almighty blesses the diseased people of Delhi with some common sense. That would want me to drive more.

Un-tagging myself!

I was convinced that I had successfully evaded being tagged by Aditi , but that was only until two hours ago, when I got an e-mail notification telling me that I had been tagged. Not for a moment do I mean to sound unhappy and curse her. It's just that I wanted all to know how reluctant I am to be doing tags. But now that I've started, watch out!

So, this one is meant to be about "FIVE THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MYSELF." I would like to apologise for sounding arrogant or any other remotely synonymous adjective. Here I go:

1. Upbringing and moral values: I was born in a middle class family in Patna, Bihar and spent 16 years of my life there before my family moved and settled in Delhi. I am proud to say that I possess the best of both the cultures and I can't thank my parents enough for that.And now I can say that we're more into the upper middle class but thanks to The Almighty, none of us are too showy about it. I firmly remain footed on ground, I say my prayers regularly and thank God before each and every meal I eat. I've been lucky enough to be brought up by parents who taught me the importance of self respect and honesty, parents who still belive that if you are good to others, God will see to it that you're all right. And yes, a lot of the credit for my Nanaji, with whom I spent the most formative years of my life(years 1 to 4). Unfortunately, he left us forever two months back.
2. Diverse interests(sports, reading,etc):I am interested in a lot of things, including reading, cricket,music, interviews, chess, football, newspapers, writing, watching television, travelling and yes, studying used to be on the list till the first half of this decade too! I know others see these hobbies of mine as a waste of time but I know how much I have learnt from these experiences and I take a great deal of pride in it, irrespective of what others think.
3. Typing speed: This might look out of place in all these goody goody stuff that I've written but trust me, typing while looking at the keyboard is a real headache. I thank myself for the effort I put in right after my tenth boards and now I'm at a stage where I can EASILY clock more than 60 words per minute and when I'm really into it, it goes over 90 :)
4. NEVER SAY DIE ATTITUDE:I uncovered this aspect of my character in the last four years that I spent in Manipal, trying to negotiate a degree in Electrical and Electronics engineering. In an attempt to gain sympathy,let me tell you that it is considered a 5-yr branch, as in the olden days hardly anyone managed to clear it in the stipulated 4 years without missing out on the college masti. I did not want to miss out on the enjoyment of college days so I knew I was in for something serious. There have been times when I've had to cover a 300 page book 12 hours before the end semester examinations and those were the same troublesome topics that fetched me 2 or 3 marks out of 20(repeatedly) in the internal examinations. There have been countless such papers but I have managed to come through the degree without failing in any subject. I know that's no big achievement when you look at it from outside, but if you consider the amount of time and effort I have put in, it's really worth appreciation. There are papers that professors have taught for over 50 hours in the classroom and I've cleared them by putting in about 10 hours in the entire semester :). Apart form academics, I've realized that there's an exceptional sense of cool in me in all situations. Be it while arguing with my elder brother or parents, be it the time when we just came to know about Nanaji's death and no one had a clue how we were to proceed with things or be it the times when people laugh at you about your academics or stuff like that. I quietly say it in my mind that "My day will come whenever I put in the effort" and I still belive it. I never lose my temper or shout at anyone out of angst. I guess playing chess has helped me evolve as a human being.
5. Analytical ability:I am able to sit down and analyze a practical problem and then decide upon which is the best possible measure to be taken, rather than shouting in a panic situation and spreading panic.And, what more proof than the fact that I can proudly boast of an IQ of over 125, after taking tests on various websites.Given that a normal person has IQ of 100, it's not too bad, is it??

Whoa... so much of bragging about myself ends this tag. Thanks Aditi, for tagging me, as I had never sat down and thought about my positive qualities so much!